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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27633839">Adventures in Babysitting</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowflakeofdestruction/pseuds/snowflakeofdestruction'>snowflakeofdestruction</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Family Matters [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Babysitting, Future Fic, Gen, M/M, family fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:20:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27633839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowflakeofdestruction/pseuds/snowflakeofdestruction</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A catalogue of times Axel and Roxas have agreed to babysit for Sora and Riku, or the reverse, musing those fateful, cursed words, "How hard could it be?"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Axel/Roxas, Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Family Matters [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020523</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Pukening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I like adding spontaneous, fun extra challenges to the day as much as the next guy, provided the next guy is you, but I have to say, I think Floor is Lava Tuesdays is a better idea than weird plastic puzzle locks on the cabinets.”</p><p>Roxas glanced up from where he knelt on the floor, fixing covers and bars on the under the sink cabinets in the kitchen to see his husband framed in the doorway, looking the casual print ad model, chiseled lines under soft sweats, hands curled around a mug of steaming liquid that smelled almost as delicious as the holder (of course the mug was emblazoned with the word SLUT in bold letters, which would probably have to be censored out of the ad), bun with just enough flyaways to seem careless but pulled to the perfect angle.  "I’m baby proofing.“</p><p>"As the baby, I resent that remark,” Axel tutted before setting his coffee next to the sink and crouching down beside Roxas. “What brought this on? You have some news to tell me?”</p><p>Axel expected an eye roll from his husband, but Roxas set the angry looking plastic finger trap he was holding down and ran a hand through his hair nervously, a mild pink tinge crawling up his neck and Axel felt his smile freeze in the middle of forming.  "Well, actually, I do have some news…“</p><p>"You’re kidding.” Axel felt his blood run cold and then super heated through his veins in quick succession as time slowed down.</p><p>Roxas’s frown at the interruption morphed to a furrowed brow of confusion and then annoyance. “Axel, I told you already. Replica bodies don’t work that way. I’m not going to ‘go seahorse.’”</p><p>“Xion can…”</p><p>“Xion is a special case. You are stuck with me with no alterations.”</p><p>“Eh, I still have the much better end of the deal.”</p><p>“Yeah, you do.”</p><p>A shared smile and a quick kiss distracted Axel a moment longer from asking, “So what’s the news?”</p><p>“I told Sora and Riku we’d babysit for them tonight,” Roxas ripped the bandage off quickly. He braced for a less than enthusiastic response, though actually receiving one was still disappointing.</p><p>“Listen, I’m sorry about the acknowledgements. Every book I write is dedicated to 'my heart, my love, my Roxas.’ I thought that was a given by now, and I just had to write what other dedications would come after it. It was the publisher’s fault, and I should not be punished.”</p><p>“I’m not punishing you,” Roxas felt his face wilt as he picked back up the baby-proofing supplies to finish what he had started. “I thought it would be fun. Riku and Sora really need a night out, and it gives us a chance to, you know, see what it’s like.”</p><p>It wasn’t that Axel missed Roxas’s hurt tone or his latter words and their meaning, even if they had been mumbled. It was more a combination of not wanting to be lured toward a slippery slope of manipulation or ready to revisit the conversation of whether he felt they should start seriously thinking about adding to their family soon rather than a general “some day” they’d always said before. Roxas had brought it up last week, and Axel appreciated that he had, but it hadn’t exactly gone well when he’d been taken by surprise and his gut instinct response was less enthusiastic than Roxas had seemed to want. He was letting the idea soak in now, and it needed a little more time to marinate before he could give a response. If Roxas was going to push, it would probably need even more time. So it was better not to toe too closely to the sensitive, personal part of baby discussion and do what they both had the inclination to always go back to, deflection with a joke. “To let a Babynort into the house?”</p><p>“Ripan is not a Nort.” Roxas hissed defense of his other’s son since Sora and Ripan couldn’t defend themselves.</p><p>“Then how come he has white hair? Answer me that,” Axel challenged.</p><p>“He has silver hair. Like Riku. Riku’s genes are the only inherited evil Ripan has, and I don’t think we should hold that against him. He’s just a baby.”</p><p>“No, no, babies are adorable balls for holding and cooing at and then handing back to their parents. Terrifying, because their heads are squishy and they can’t hold them up, but otherwise not dangerous at all. This thing is mobile. I’ve seen it.” Axel lent the revelation the appropriate air of horror, though he neglected to mention he’d seen Ripan crawling up a wall, imitating either one of his fathers or the younger Incredible boy, which rendered his warning easily mistaken for his typical melodrama.</p><p>“That’s why I’m baby-proofing.”</p><p>“Did you get the upstairs?”</p><p>“It’s not going to be able to climb the stairs by itself…Is it?”</p><p>Axel thought it over since the stair thing seemed to alarm Roxas. “Probably more easily than it could get to the ceiling. I’m just going to feed it ice cream and hope that appeases it.”</p><p>“I don’t think it..<em>he</em> can have ice cream yet. Sora said he was going to write us a list of rules.”</p><p>Axel’s attitude toward the night ahead of them turned on a dime when the suggestion that someone else thought he was less than capable intruded to punch at his ego.  "Rules like what? We know what to do.“</p><p>"Damn straight.” Roxas stood, dusted off his hands, and stole Axel’s coffee off the counter.</p><p>“We’d be great with kids,” Axel insisted, reaching out to take the coffee back, taking a sip, and returning it to Roxas.</p><p>“That’s right,” Roxas encouraged.</p><p>“We take care of Demyx!” Axel could honestly say that he’d fed, bathed, and rocked Demyx to sleep under different circumstances. Luckily, no diapers had ever been involved. “We’re Turkey’s dads!”</p><p>“And he’s the most demanding little baby of all!” Roxas championed Axel’s logic even while being reminded that he’d forgotten to feed Turkey before starting his project with the cabinets. He’d have to rectify that now. It was a miracle Turkey wasn’t already dramatically expressing the utter betrayal of being left to starve.</p><p>“Next to me,” Axel provided the punchline at his expense.</p><p>“Next to you.” Roxas leaned up on tiptoe to steal a kiss and pressed the coffee cup with its last sips at the bottom into his husband’s hands for him to finish off. “Now go put on something more suitable for tonight.”</p><p>“What’s more suitable than sweats for babysitting a baby? A tarp?” Axel drained the coffee.</p><p>“Put on something nice.”</p><p>“Is Ripan conducting a formal interview before storytime?”</p><p>“No, but his dads might.”</p><p>Roxas’s instincts turned out to be right. Sora and Riku not only had a list of rules, but a pop quiz on protocol and babysitting readiness that needed to be passed before they would leave, despite the fact that Roxas and Axel already had the job, were doing it as a favor, were only taking Ripan for a few hours and not permanently adopting him and taking him into the heart of Deep Jungle, and Riku and Sora’s normal babysitter was a fifteen year old girl (though Violet had warned them that she might have to cut back even more than she had. Ripan and her brother Jack Jack tended to be “a little challenging” in her words when she had to watch both of them).</p><p>Ripan’s part of the testing was to sit on the floor, sucking on his giraffe pacifier and rolling an alphabet block between his hands, occasionally looking up with large, liquid blue eyes either to question why he was sitting on a strange floor or to ask why his dads were still there. Or maybe to ask why the other baby curled in the entertainment center next to the cable box was so ugly and meowed.</p><p>“I promise Ripan is going to have so much fun tonight he’s never going to want to leave…but he’s also going to be asleep by nine and I won’t forget to rub the cream on his arms before I put on his sleepytime shirt,” Roxas swore, crossing his heart over the "I like coffee and maybe three people" shirt he’d neglected to change out of despite telling Axel to look nice.</p><p>“Okay, I believe in you,” Sora assured him before selling out his husband, “But Riku sincerely does not. So can you please promise me you will take extra good care of our little angel? I know he’s kind of a handful, but...”</p><p>“Are you kidding?” Axel chuckled, unperturbed. “You’re talking to the best babysitters in the business. There is no one more qualified for this job.”</p><p>“You’ve literally never done this before,” Riku groused, hands clenching in his pockets as he regressed to his old nervous tick.</p><p>“We are totally capable of taking care of your precious angel, okay? It’s not like we don’t have kids too.” Roxas gestured to the entertainment center where Turkey sat, eyeing the miniature human. It had eyes like His Boy, so Turkey thought he might be able to trust it, but the threat of someone else Heat Giver and His Boy might want to snuggle that was not Turkey was hard to face.</p><p>“That’s why I’m concerned,” Riku concentrated on breathing evenly through his nose and not sounding too snappish. “That is not a child. That is a cat in a knit sweater.”</p><p>“We’ll be fine,” Roxas insisted, ignoring Riku’s slight when defending Turkey’s status as first child would make Sora and Riku miss their reservation. “We have your list and everything he needs. You two just enjoy yourselves!”</p><p>“See, it’s fine, Riku.” Sora nudged Riku toward the door. “Bye Ripan! Behave yourself for your uncles!”</p><p>Ripan gurgled solemnly, swearing to be nothing but the perfect child.</p><p>“Have fun guys! We’ll be back around eleven!” Sora nudged Riku a bit harder, recognizing him for the immoveable object he was. “Riku stop glaring and walk.”</p><p>Roxas opened the door for them, Axel waved to them as they retreated, Roxas closed the door. It was a total of maybe fifteen seconds they didn’t have eyes on Ripan. The first fifteen seconds they were in charge of the vulnerable life of the baby that had been sitting near motionless and content in the living room for fifteen minutes. The baby that was still sitting content after those fifteen seconds and still near motionless, just with his pacifier out of his mouth and on the floor beside him and his mouth working as if he were chewing.</p><p>Axel and Roxas shared a glance and dove at the same time. Ripan shrieked, which should have proved his mouth was empty, but Axel used the opportunity to sweep a finger inside the child’s mouth to make sure. Ripan employed natural defenses, namely, biting down as hard as he could with his four impressive teeth.</p><p>Axel howled. Ripan laughed, which allowed the redhead to withdraw his injured hand. Roxas comforted Axel for a moment, then warned him not to take his eyes off Ripan again, because they might not get lucky again, and went to wash floor germs from the pacifier for the first, but, by no means last, time of the night. Minute one drew to a close with everyone still relatively unscathed.</p><p>Minute fifteen gave birth to everyone’s least favorite game, Turkey Chase and Smack, though Crawl Behind Couch gave it a difficult battle for the title.</p><p>At the end of the first hour, a nice balance had been found and everyone was getting along until Axel tried to heat up a bottle by summoning fire in his hand and subsequently scalded his wrist while testing results, as well as putting the idea of fire into Ripan’s head. Sora had been right. Ripan was very smart and liked to try and mimic what the big people did. The living room couch suffered.</p><p>The next hurdles were The Incident of the Second Bottle Being Too Cold, The Great Despair of not Being Able to Have Both Bottle and Pacifier at the Same Time, Bottle Gone Too Quick, The Pukening, Second Washing of the Pacifier and Trial of Separation Anxiety, The Changing of the Onesies with Ripan Super Spleen Kicking Action, and The Pukening Part Two: Roxas’s Shirt Looks Absorbent.</p><p>It was all minor stuff. Normal stuff. Expected, other than perhaps setting fire to the couch.</p><p>The real trouble didn’t begin until the pacifier was lost.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Double Trouble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sora pasted on his biggest, most reassuring smile as he crouched to his and Riku’s weekend guests’ eye level. Their parents had just dropped them off, and they looked a bit unsure, with bitten lips, wide eyes, and fidgeting. They reached for one another's hands to hold when he got close, so Sora shifted his weight back on his heels and leaned away a bit so they didn’t feel crowded. He understood. New places were scary when you were a small person. “Okay, girls, we’re going to have a fun three days!”</p><p>“I guess,” Emerald Dress with Yellow Daisies whined as if physically pained, throwing her head back so her fishtail braid slipped back behind her instead of laying over her shoulder and down the front like her sister. Yellow Top and Emerald Skirt with Kelly Green Tights Underneath. Roxas and Axel had made them easy to tell apart if Sora had been sure who was Dulce and who was Salena in the first place. “I miss Turkey already.”</p><p>He’d been expecting an “daddy” or “pop,” but he supposed he understood. “Well, Aunt Kairi is watching Turkey so he can play with Astrophe. Just like you’re here so you can play with Ripan.”</p><p>The explanation seemed to work for the moment, Emerald Dress mollified a bit, though she sighed, “This weekend is gonna last <em>forever</em>!” and got pinched by her sister, which Sora was going to reprimand, but decided to let slide and just keep pressing forward with a happy face to show he was cool when he heard the word “Rude!” whispered.</p><p>“Ripan’s room is at the end of the hall. You can put your stuff in the guest room across the way and then stop in to say hi. He has a mini pirate ship with a full crew, a whole bunch of stuffies I’m sure he’ll want to introduce you to, and Data Sora is always putting new games on the computer.  I’m sure if there’s something there you want, and if Data Sora doesn’t have it, he’ll get it for you as long as it is for kids to play.”</p><p>“We can’t play until we finish today’s homework,” Kelly Green Tights informed him primly.</p><p>“We have until Monday,” her sister argued.</p><p>“Pop said to get it done early, and <em>then</em> we have fun!”</p><p>Sora’s attention ping-ponged between the identical small faces. “I can help you with your homework if you like. I help Ripan with his, so I’m an old pro.”</p><p>“It’s math.  We’re learning to add. Can you add?” Tights stared him straight in the eye and roasted him with a casual ferocity Sora wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced before, despite his long history of being made fun of by his friends.</p><p>“I can even do times tables,” Sora assured the small girl instead and then stood to his feet.</p><p>“You <em>have</em> been doing third grade homework!” she responded in awe befitting of a first grader and the balance was restored.</p><p>“I’m going to play with the pirate ship,” Emerald Dress announced, unimpressed with times tables, hoisting her glitter flower backpack higher on her back. “Coming, LeeLee?”</p><p>“I do like pirates…”</p><p>“Go ahead. We’ll have homework time after dinner. We’re having fish sticks and macaroni.”</p><p>“Does it have a face?” Dress, Dulce probably if LeeLee the tights was Salena. “Don’t like fishes with the face on.”</p><p>“The fish sticks?” Sora asked, confused. “No, it’s…sticks.”</p><p>“Yeah, everything is mushed into a stick, including the eyeballs and the bones,” Salena explained with the voice of a sage.</p><p>“That’s not how it works either,” Sora explained, too late as Dulce began to scream as soon as her sister had stopped speaking. “We could have pizza?” He gave up defending the fish sticks as a battle he didn’t even want to start. Ripan had been a good teacher for conserving energy for issues that were worth it.</p><p>Dulce was instantly pacified. “Pepperonis!” was shouted as a battle cry. Then, manners suddenly popping into their minds, both girls curtseyed in eerie, practiced unison and chorused, “Thank you, Uncle Sora for having us in your home,” before running off shrieking, “Pepperonis!” once more.</p><p>Sora shook his head and then went to report his own brutal murder and the menu change to his husband. He fooled himself into thinking there would be at least twenty minutes of peace, before he was proven wrong by an indignant shout.</p><p>“DAD! WHY ARE THERE BABIES TOUCHING MY PIRATE SHIP? THEY JUST CAME OUT OF MY RUG LIKE SHADOWS!”</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Organ Nation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was mostly luck that Riku noticed the small form curled in a ball at the bottom of the tub before he turned the shower on, and that he was planning on letting the water heat up before getting undressed.</p><p>“What were you doing here with the lights off, Salena?” He asked, gently. “Ripan should have told you the master bedroom and bath are off limits for hide and seek. I’ll make sure you get a pass this round.”</p><p>The little girl remained steadfastly in ball form. “S'not hide and seek. I can’t leave. I’m in jail.”</p><p>“You’re in jail?” Riku parroted and sat on the edge of the tub so he wouldn’t tower over his friends’ daughter. “Now what did you do to get sent to jail?”</p><p>Salena uncurled and sat up, twisting the end of her braid around her finger when she spoke again. “Not that kind of jail. I was kidnapped and now I am locked away waiting for my hero.”</p><p>“And Ripan’s coming to rescue you?"  His son should still know better than to involve his and Sora’s room in games, but this was kind of cute. Ripan wanted to act out the same kinds of stories he’d heard from his dads. He wanted to practice having the strength to protect what mattered.</p><p>"No! Ripan’s not a hero!” The tiny redhead was affronted at the very idea. Ripan thought he was so mature because he was two years and three months older when he was really just a butt head. His whole head. Just butts. “He’s playing the head of the Organ Nation. He likes playing the bad guy. Dulce is the hero.”</p><p>“Ripan wanted to be the head of the Organization?” Riku wasn’t sure how he felt about that.</p><p>Salena patted his leg consolingly. “It’s just pretend, Uncle Riku, and it’s the Organ Nation. We voted for the name. Ripan went around collecting hearts, and now he has so many organs he’s in charge. When Dulce beats him, she takes the hearts and throws them into the sky.”</p><p>“Oh, is that how it works?” Having the concept of make believe explained to him by a six year old brought things into perspective for Riku. He tried to cajole her out of the bath again. “Well, I’m a master of the keyblade so I’m going to set you free and then you can help me find Dulce and we’ll all defeat the Organ Nation together.  That’s how Guardians of Light do it. We fight as a group, getting power from our friends.”</p><p>“I know that,” Salena insisted. “I’m not four. I’m supposed to stay here though until the real rescue.”</p><p>“How long have you been hiding in here?”</p><p>“Six hours.”</p><p>“It hasn’t even been six hours since your dads dropped you off.”</p><p>“One hour.”</p><p>Riku doubted that was an accurate count either, but however long she’d been left was too long. “I promise you I am a qualified rescuer.”</p><p>“Uncle Sora does say you’ve been his hero since you two were smaller than us.” Salena considered the offer. She knew Dulce had a heroic rescue planned, but they could use it next time.</p><p>“He said that?”</p><p>“At homework time. I asked him if you two had been married forty years because Ripan said his dads–that’s you and Uncle Sora–have been married longer than my and Dulce’s dads, and you are more in love, and our dads may have went away for the weekend to have a divorce because Cecily Almasy’s parents got a divorce and…”</p><p>“Pause and breathe, Honey. Nobody’s getting a divorce.”</p><p>“I know that. They went away to fight a big Heartless and to do kissing stuff in a hot tub,” Salena snapped, though she looked quite relieved. “So I told Ripan I was going to punch him, and Uncle Sora told me not to hit and Ripan not to start rumors. And then we apologized, and Dulce said we should get back to math. And then Uncle Sora said ‘good idea,’ so I said 'have you and Uncle Riku been married for forty years? I’m pretty sure my dads have been married for at least forty  years because they are old.' Uncle Sora laughed and said no, and then Dulce and Ripan started fighting and Uncle Sora had to break it up, but then he said that you and he have been in love your whole lives though, and you’ve always been his hero. But my Pop was in love with my Daddy since the minute, the second, the <em>moment</em> that he was alive, so I think Dulce and I still win. But you and Uncle Sora are super old and in love too.” Salena finally stopped for breath, gulping in air in dramatic little huffs.</p><p>It was a lot to parse. Ripan didn’t tend to go off on run-on tangents, but it was something Sora did from time to time, so Riku was used to following along with fast-paced, scattered speech. He cut to the chase, guiding Salena back on topic. “So is it rescue time?”</p><p>“It’s rescue time!” Salena declared, standing to her feet, extending her arm and then yelling “Zing!” before clarifying in a softer tone. “That’s my keyblade summoning noise.”</p><p>They ran off together just in time to see Ripan standing on the couch in the living room wrapped in Sora’s terrycloth robe, one wrong move away from tripping over it and falling from his perch, several paper hearts taped to his chest and neck, facing off against Dulce, the wooden keyblade Riku had carved for Ripan in her hand.</p><p>For a moment.</p><p>Then, the keyblade was flying across the living room at Ripan’s head. Riku had told Axel time and again that throwing his keyblade like his chakrams was a bad habit that would catch up with him one day. Riku hadn’t thought it would catch up with his son first.</p><p>Riku dived, too late. The damage was minimal. A knot above Ripan’s eye, a bruise. He’d had worse, and was even healing from worse at that time, injuries sustained from the belief that strong wind would grant him the ability to fly. The twins cried more than he did. Sora cried most of all when he heard the commotion and came in from the other room where he’d been on the gummi phone with Donald, despairing that he was a terrible, inattentive father. Injuries were tended, stern words about not throwing things in the house or at people exchanged, and ice cream distributed. Crisis averted.</p><p>It was the excitement of the night, next hurdle not arriving until the next morning when Salena and Dulce came running into Riku and Sora’s bedroom at what felt like dawn, declaring it was time for their hair to be done, to which Sora responded, “I never saw that horse before!” sitting straight up in bed, and then, a more intelligibly “Who’s a what?”</p><p>“You have to fix our hair!” Dulce insisted with all the urgency it would have called for if her sister’s head was on fire and the only way to put it out was braids. </p><p>“I want a ponytail coming out of the middle of a bun except the ponytail hair is curls, and I need glitter star clips…Please.” Salena was more patient, but taking the matter no less seriously.</p><p>“Yeah, her hair needs to go in spirals like Miss Aerith. I will have two braids and then halfway down they turn into one braid and there’s a bow at the end. Please and thank you.” Dulce placed her own order. “We have all our hair stuff in our backpacks.”</p><p>“It’s the weekend.” Riku found himself more easily oriented waking up suddenly than Sora. “You don’t need to get ready for school.”</p><p>“Yes, but we might be seen by the public,” Salena stressed, making Riku wonder what plans they had for the day.</p><p>“How about a regular ponytail?” Sora yawned. “Or loose hair…just…being hair?”</p><p>“Hair being hair?” It should not have been possible for such a small body to contain such an air of superiority. Sora was ignored entirely thereafter. “Uncle Riku, you know how to fix hair, right?”</p><p>“Of course. I’m a master hairstylist from way back!” Riku lied through his teeth, thinking it wouldn’t be that difficult to please two six-year-olds if they had brought enough brightly colored ribbons and bits.</p><p>He was very, very wrong. His braids were loose and crooked. His pigtails uneven. He got a brush tangled deep in Dulce’s hair to the point he considered wrapping more hair around it and making it a part of the style. It was a disaster, and he was politely given up on after several grueling attempts.</p><p>Still not the worst thing to happen in the three days. Nothing compared to the close call when the kids dared each other to drink paint.</p>
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